Nothing Change

After all of this, my feelings to you haven't change a bit at all. I felt that I have more stronger feelings to you now than before. I understand that you wants to be friends only at this point. You have told me clearly that you don't want me to be a rebound guy for you. I respect you decisions 100%. It doesn't mean that I can't have feelings to you. I will be very patient for you.

Quote of the day: Time will tell.

No Regret!

I did what I wanted to do on Valentine's Day with her. We went to dinner! I got her chocolates, roses and card. It was somewhat awkward for both of us at the beginning but overall we had a great time laughing.

I knew what she will say when I ask her to be mine. She even messaged me her conversations with another friend stating that we are just friends to prevent any misunderstandings few hours earlier. I planned everything already plus I don't want any regrets even though when it's a very long shot. I do wonder what's the reason behind her to keep me in the friend zone. I guess I will never know the reason behind it. However, I am a bit sad deep inside myself. Am I that bad? Will I ever have any slight chance with her?

Quote of the day: I have no regrets because I know I did my best -- all I could do.  

Live in the moment!

Sometimes you just need to live in the moment. Over thinking and worrying are both bad. All it does is giving you doubts about it. Too much thinking will make you forget what's in front of you at this moment. You just have to make the best out of the worst. You got to look at the bright side regardless how things will be. No need to worry about tomorrow when today haven't end yet.

Quote of the day: There's no what if. Just live in the moment.

Worth it?

I have been asking these questions to myself for the last 12 hours. Is it worth it? Will I be able to change anything? Am I being too naive? It's also these questions that kept myself awake at night. All I can say is I'm just following my heart. Life is too short not to listen to your heart.

Quote of the day: Truth is that everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

Loss for words

Words cannot express how I feel now. I didn't sleep much last night because of her call. I worry about her a lot. Given the limited information about last night, I am very mad at myself. If I have went, none of this would have happen. At this point, I will make sure she's safe in any possible ways I can. This is all I can do at this very moment. 

Quote of the day: Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.

Pain

I am very confused at the moment. I am pretty sad from last night but at the same time I worry about her. In the meantime, I decided I should just go fix her iPad. So, my mind wouldn't be wondering elsewhere. I wish it worked like that. The more concentrate I am on her iPad, the more I think of her. Tear almost came down on me. I have admit that I do have feelings for her but I doubt she knows and have any feelings for me. I am not expecting much from her. As long as she's happy, I am happy even when she's with someone else. 

Quote of the day: When you really care about someone, their happiness matter more than yours.

Raining in my heart...

After spending an evening with them, I make sure I walked them back to their building. I ran to catch the last bus home. It was a very cold night but I felt a lot more colder emotionally. I asked myself "am I really that bad?" on my way home. I mean I know I am not physically attractive but I thought I have at least some good qualities. It hurts a lot to hear it from her. I was hoping maybe I could have a shot at her but maybe I am just being too optimistic about it. Maybe I was just dreaming. If I am, please don't wake me up and let me continue on this dream.

Quote of the day: It’s raining in my heart like it’s raining in the city. What is this sadness that pierces my heart?

Worry

As I spent more time talking to her, I really get to know her more. She have a very nice and fun personality. I enjoyed our late night talks. However, I was a bit sad to found out what happened to her and caused her to cry. At the time, I wanted to say I really want to give you a hug. Of course, I keep that to myself because she once said she hates hugs. I am bit worry of her at this moment. She seems to be very lost and unsure what she wants. I worry that she will cry again for the same reason as before. I don't want her to be sad or hurt for whatever reason it is. I just want her to be happy and smile. I tried my best to cheer her up. I hope it will bring some smiles to her even when she's unhappy. All I want is for her to be happy even when I am not, which is okay because I am nobody. 

Quote of the day: I feel your pain as my own, dear, he doesn’t worth you, so let him go.