WTF

All I wanted was a peaceful birthday. Am I asking too much? I tried my best to be the best friend, brother and son. I don't need any special gatherings for my birthday. I think I deserve at least a little bit of peace. But hell break lose on my birthday.

Sometimes I wish I have a remote control and can pause and mute everything. So, I can at least enjoy my birthday. Maybe I should've travel somewhere alone to escape all of these dramas and celebrate it by myself. I think I would be at least a bit more happy. I really don't know if I can take them anymore. Life is already a mess to begin with, I really don't know how much more I can handle. Hiding everything from everyone is a very hard thing to accomplish. Some things are better off being left unsaid.

Quote of the day: Every life has a measure of sorrow, and sometimes this is what awakens us.

Bitterness

I am not sure if there is such thing as an afterlife. If there is, I hope my afterlife is full of sweetness and joy. My current life is just full of bitterness. The more I force myself to look at the bright side of things, the more I felt that I am telling white lies to myself. I tried to figure out feasible solutions for my problems but reality is a bitch. Currently, there is no way to resolve them. Maybe these problems will not be problems anymore in the far future. I am not sure if I can see that in my lifetime. The only thing I can do now is to walk around them. I knew deep inside of me felt that the more I want around them, the more pain I will suffer. I tried very hard to pretend to be happy and smiles. I really don't know how much I can pretend any longer. It's getting harder and harder these days especially trying to find ways to relax and enjoy myself. I even had nightmares when it's the worst scenario. It's like the end of the world for me.

Quote of the day: Bitterness is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.