10 Years Ago...[Another long entry]

Life turned upside down 10 yrs ago...life was never the same ever since that day. The questions I had, the emotions I been through was like those Korean drama. I just can't believe it happened to me. When I looked back, it feels like I survived hell. I was grateful that darkness time of my life passed.  I mean life still have to carry on. The only differences is that my smile started to fade away slowly. I realized that most of my clothes started from that time forward were gray and black. I guess unconsciously I felt a bit depressed at that time. It's pretty painful to keep myself reminded every so often that I am unique.

However, who would expect that hell was only the beginning of another hell. Guess I must be grateful that it gave me a 9 years break from the 1st hell. About a year ago, I was hit with another surprise that I was caught off guard. I kept telling myself. It's nothing and things will be alright at the end of the day. The problem of that is the more I say that to myself, the more I am worry and sad. Once the fact sinks in, I semi-accepted that fact. I started to do research to understand about it but the more I read, the more sad I am. On multiple occassions, I had to stop research about it. I just can't take it anymore. Even to today, I still questioned myself about it. Why does it have to be me? What did I do to deserve such things? :( 

I know I have to be positive to live on. At least, try to be positive to the people around me. Maybe one day, those things will get resolve. So, I can live in a normal life once again.

Quote of the day: Be grateful for those simple little things you can do because a lot of people out there will never be able to do it.

Depressed?

A friend of mine once asked me why do I sound so depressed on fb. I wanted to tell her that if you know what I been thought and how I survived each single day, you wouldn't say that. Of course, I didn't say that to her because I don't want to promote negativity at all. However, the fact is that I tried my best to be positive each day but it's easy to say but very hard to accomplish. It's even harder when I read about it online. The more I read, the sadder I am. I am like the live version of those Korean drama. Either way, I still have to read and understand it. I have the right to know and be prepare mentally whenever it happens. I know that there isn't much I can do about it. Just need to accept the simple fact that I am very special. Special enough that I wish I never wake up after I sleep at night.

I am not sure if there is anyone whom still reads my blog. Guess I just want to express myself and hope I can feel better afterward. 

Quote of the day: I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.